“Come back next year.” I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. “Yes,” I said. Librarians may be shy, but 
their patrons aren’t. The store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and quickly looks away again. “We call it job security.” The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever.

• Someone once asked, “Is this the museum?” I work at a pool. Since he bought it when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.He approaches the customer service counter and is greeted by a young, attractive female with golden blonde hair. While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back 
in 20 minutes. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. “But I’ll need to see ID.” She dug though her purse... One of my insurance customers faxed over the police report from 
an auto accident. Customer:... A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting 
unexplainable wind shifts. “I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said. She frequently doesn’t stop for me when I’m waiting at the bus stop, but she always waves as she goes by. “And the tires were on it then?” Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. “Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked. “Of course,” he responded.

If you understand English, press 1. 2. ... to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.

Host: Yes, we know. "Their customer service executive called, it was a woman. When I finally got to the 
window, I asked the clerk, “Does the never-ending line of loud people ever drive you crazy?” Honestly, Officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, “I have a new obstetrician.” I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence. • A few of the things customers have asked for at our art-supply store include disco balls, trees, and crucifixion wood. It’s a pooper-scooper. Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the exact name of the item. The person on the other end answered, “That 
depends on which... • “I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhones.” • “You are too wrapped up in the whole concept of ‘money. They finally went with mine. “Well you see, its a beauty tip. “I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.

The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. Me: Hold on. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, “But there’s a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records.” Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.

• I work in IT.

Do you have the box? “What is it?” she asked. From a passenger of the Vacaville, 
California, public bus company: Dear Sir, First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. I phoned a local restaurant to 
ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. “Maybe the list is alphabetical,” 
I offered.

Scene: Inside a Best Buy store. Several weeks later, she called asking for information from that report. Although she usually gives me 
wrong instructions on which bus to 
take, I enjoy riding all around Vacaville on the different routes. While going through his 
deceased father’s things, a man finds a 25-year-old claim check for a shoe repair. • I'm a butcher.

His reply: “What am I going to do with the other half?” A week later, when I told another clerk the same thing, she responded, “Do you want the top or the bottom?” The food at the sandwich shop 
I frequent is good, but any deviation from the norm throws the staff. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained... Librarians may be shy, but 
their patrons aren’t. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?” “Last night at 11:00,” I said. Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A. Sure enough, when the couple was done with their dinner, they had left a tip of $10A blonde goes to the store to return her TV she just bought. More humiliating? “Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.


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